@JohnLyonTweets: I'm scared to open any email with a photo attachment because of all this talk about photobombing.
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@DanMentos: [at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities
@ZombieProblms: You can't ban me from your neighborhood just because I "look scary" and "want to kill you." That's discrimination.
@longwall26: "Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!" "LOL sir, that was a barber." "He was black." "We're sending a battleship."
@Gilmatic: *nose hairs growing out of control *buys tiny scissors *jam them in the eyes of whoever I catch staring at my nose hairs