@Blarebare: I'm seriously considering taking up falconry. Someone pisses me off? BAM! Falcon, right in the face.
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@OwensDamien: In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I’ve put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.
@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
@MicheleAKALips: I had a boyfriend once....right up until the moment my dad asked him "so what do you do?" and he replied your daughter. He's Dead.
@sarcasticmommy4: My son gave me a list of things he'd like in his Easter basket. This isn't Christmas, kid. Do you want a chocolate bunny or not?