@13spencer: I'm sick and I'm going to work today; so if there's some kind of Contagion-level outbreak, I'm your patient-zero.
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@bobvulfov: demon: ur punishment in hell has been tailored just for u me: ok demon: u have to enter a long wifi password for eternity & it'll never work
@WhaJoTalkinBout: [Petco] INTERVIEWER: We're looking for a real fish person. ME: Like a mermaid? INTERVIEWER:
@merrittk: cashier: youre so beautiful me: thank you! my brain: shes flattering u... to get u to buy more groceries...