@Black__Elvis: I'm sick and tired of all these goddamn illegal aliens taking jobs away from good, hard-working American aliens.
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@Home_Halfway: BARISTA: I have an order for...God? Is there a God? [no one answers] ATHEIST: Haha told ya GOD: *exiting bathroom* Sorry I'm here ATH: Shit
@AlexRogaski: You don't serve tuna do you? "No sir, we don't serve fish here" *A family of tuna in fake mustaches whistles innocently at another table*
@Home_Halfway: We all make fun of Kristen Stewart for her wide variety of facial expressions, but she'd probably kick all our asses in poker.
@shariv67: Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say "Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."