@slimmy_shady: I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist.
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@CaseyMichelle__: Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn't doing his part of the chores around here
@dubstep4dads: [using ouija board] R2...L2....L1....R2...LEFT...DOWN... "what the hell?" [everyone is suddenly carrying like 8 different guns]
@noimnotjewish: Dude, the fact that I called YOU to bail me out of jail is quite the compliment, so let's dial back that "It's 4 am!" attitude, mmkay?
@bidenandobama: Biden: we could call it "Real Talk With Joebama" Obama: do you even know how to make a podcast, Joe?