@slimmy_shady: I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist.
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@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.
@Ygrene: [Being murdered at Walmart] Please will you dump my dead body at Target people can't know I shopped here
@Book_Krazy: 911 What's your emergency Me: I'm calling to complain about the quality of this cocaine 911: The police are on their way Me: Thanks