@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."
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@WigCannon: Do you know why I pulled you over? "Yes, because I was driving a motorized toilet." I meant this time "Oh. No." Please step out of the oven.
@carlyken: So how do you stop eating the endless breadsticks at Olive Garden does the restaurant close or are you supposed to bring a spotter with you?
@causticbob: My local radio station is asking people to send in funny photographs taken when you were pissed. So I've sent in my wedding album.
@CauseWereDads: "Dad, lil bro pooped on the floor!"nMe: Ok, just like we practiced. I'll hide in garage, you go tell Mommy. This convo never happened! GO!