@newstart43: I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
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@OpenClassMX: My actual wife and my twitter wife are talking via Kik. I will be camping in the woods forever if you need me.
@AndrewChamings: [joyriding in stolen Lamborghini] HER: No way this thing does 150. ME: Only one way to find out... [pulls over & checks wikipedia]
@Mindless4Miles: I ducked into a crowd of guys bro hugging as they left the bar, they didn't notice the stranger in their midst and I'm feeling so loved rn.
@amydillon: When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?