@newstart43: I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
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@tastefactory: [robbers outside bank] When I said get some masks I meant something creepy like wolf masks "But can't u feel your pores really opening up?"
@TySmithdrums: Me: "Can I see the baby?" Sister: "Yes, but only if she's awake." Me, through a megaphone: "NOT A PROBLEM."
@kevinrowe1: Doctor: Between 1 and 10, describe how much pain are you in? Me: Is married a number? That's how I get the good meds...