@newstart43: I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
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@CauseWereGuys: I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologize to the man at the next urinal.
@KalvinMacleod: [Speech Therapy] Therapist: Repeat after me: I’m thirsty Dad: I’m…thirsty T: I’m hungry D: I’m…H...Hi Hungry, I’m Dad T: *throws clipboard*
@DurtMcHurtt: Goal as a white guy 1)Pay taxes 2)Never say anything that may come across as racist 3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.
@QwertyJones3: WEATHERMAN: The fog is extremely dense FOG: My husband took his secretary with him on a business trip, that's normal right?