@BigHeb7: I'm sick of hearing about this World Class chef at Taco Bell. Chefs don't work at Taco Bell. Your weed dealer works at Taco Bell.
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@BuckyIsotope: WIFE: *yells into basement* Our savings account is entirely empty. Do you know what happened? ME: *assembling robot monkey butler* No idea
@Gre_Gone: *caches football thrown from off screen* "Are you having problems with slow interne*video starts buffering*
@Wine_Honey1: People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen
@That_Damn_Duck: Hell hath no fury like woman tagged in a Facebook photo that makes her look fat.