@TheBoydP: I’m “Since when did it become unacceptable for your socks to show” years old.
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@Paxochka: Champagne says I'm classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
@themiltron: [God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable.
@brynnester: Boss: *introducing me to new co workers* This is Linda. She always answers the phone Me: How are you Linda? Linda: The phone Boss: See