@infamousone96: "I'm single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I'm still single, cuz I say shit like that?
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@TheTobbie: NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! Except my government, boss, his wife, my girlfriend, my parents, my doctor, friends, neighbours, their dogs...
@jwoodham: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?
@joejwest: [chess tournament] RIVAL: [plays move] ME: [knocks board aside. punches rival in face] Chess! COMMENTATOR: He's won every round this way