@wendchymes: I'm smarter than I look. I was gonna say -more intelligenter- but wasn't sure how to spell it so...
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@TheTweetOfGod: Everyone in "Star Wars". Everyone in "The Muppets". Everyone in "Game of Thrones". This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters.
@VenisVal: It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler. "Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."
@bea_ker: Judge: The defendant is claiming you're a nazi. Is this true? Lawyer: *flustered* er no fuhrer questions your honour *courtroom gasps*
@iresurfaced: Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don't be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don't show too much interest 5. Seek therapy