@squirrel74wkgn: I'm so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.
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@TJ_Whitehead: By my calculations, I've spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table
@Reverend_Scott: If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.