@CulturedRuffian: I'm so anti-social, my misery loathes company.
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@doktorj: Ziiipppp, zip, zip, zip, ziiiipppp! *Me, dramatically ending a marital spat during a camping trip
@stephenjmolloy: Undertaker: "What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?" Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
@BDGarp: Me: Have fun on your date. Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high? Me: You really aren't my kid are you?