@DancesWithTamis: I'm so bad at making decisions that whenever I hit a yellow light I scream, open my car door and throw myself out
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@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Got thrown out of the theater during the Superman movie but was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.
@nPhelendriqal: This looks like a job for.. *I rip open my jacket* Jacket Repair Man! *I sew my jacket back together*
@tastefactory: JOB INTERVIEWER: So what are your biggest weaknesses? HE-MAN: Well, I- *job interviewer's fake mustache falls off and it's Skeletor*