@omgthatspunny: Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

@VodkaTiem: Relationship status: The pizza is late and I'm worried

@xosm: I changed my phone ringtone to the doorbell sound bc I don't answer that either.

@Iwriteforcats: *writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're

@drinksmcgee: Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn't the most romantic move ever.