@Thynebear: [first date at a chinese restaurant] "So are you more of a dog or a cat person?" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you

@copymama: My 7yo said if she ever gets married she wants to have a pajama-themed wedding, and I feel like my parenting has come to fruition.

@iinkedZombie: I wasn't snoring.. I was dreaming I'm a dirt bike.

@RoosterMustache: *emailing professor after exams* it hAs been An Awesome And greAt yeAr thAnks for the AmAzing clAss you hAve tAught me A lot

@theDanLawler: I'm hiring a motivational speaker for my lazy eye.