@HispanicIcon: I'm so broke that if my girlfriend leaves me for another guy I swear that I'm going with them.
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@radtoria: OH MY GOD I FORGOT TO UNPLUG THE TOASTER [flash to dog in sunglasses waiting for his fifth batch of waffles to pop up]
@Johngcole: Scientist: The eclipse will be just like this... People: Wow, you were right. Scientist: Now about climate change People: Shut up egghead
@IGotsSmarts: I wondered why everyone said I had "bed hair", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.