@blakeshelton: I'm so drunk right now I just walked into Canadian customs and shouted "Why y'all checkin' me?! Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@adult_mom: I turned off the TV today and made my kids play board games like it was 1955 and now I know why all of our grandparents were alcoholics
@squirrel74wkgn: [in bathroom stall] Me: ... Guy: ...most people wait their turn outside of the stall
@tat2skatermom: I have a doorbell chime for text messages. I just checked my door twice. I don’t have a doorbell. Line up boys. This kinda genius is rare.
@jctwritesstuff: Yeah, no, I don't have a FitBit. I'm pretty sure I have a solid grasp on how inactive I am. I don't need like bells and alarms and stuff.