@blakeshelton: I'm so drunk right now I just walked into Canadian customs and shouted "Why y'all checkin' me?! Ur the ones with a pot leaf on your flag!!"
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@KingRainhead: i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it
@chrisscamurra: CASHIER: its declined ME: run it again C: sir, is this one of those fake credit cards they mail out ME: no C: your name is "local resident"?
@DaddyJew: Apparently shouting out "he has a gun" isn't the best way to let everyone in the bank know that you see the security guard. I know this now.
@UncleDuke1969: You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I unfollow you. You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I block you. "A Game of Phones"