@iGreenMonk: I'm so embarrassed. I just learned that that Pringles holder on my treadmill is for water bottles!
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@MariyaAlexander: If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: So what's your spirit animal? ME: Roosters. HER: Lol, why? ME: *leans in close* I also start my day screaming.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I'm afraid you have loser says what disease." Me: "What?" Doctor: "lol" Me: "Is it serious?" Doctor: "What?" Me: "lol"