@JasonLight73: I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!
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@jenlaw_11: "You are what you eat" I whisper to myself as I pour my dead dog's ashes into my cat's food bowl
@thejamietighe: Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
@ArfMeasures: JUDGE: I may send u to jail. But if u act less condescending, I'll let u go free ME [waving goodbye to my family] u mean condescendingLY