@JasonLight73: I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!
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@smithsara79: Me: [on a scale] What? How did I gain weight? Friend: Didn't you eat Taco Bell for each meal everyday last week? Me: Uh, yeah, as a *joke*
@_chasing_amy: 9 just scolded me at the grocery for buying wine. I told him it was ok, I was 21 to which he loudly responded, Nooo, you're 38. Thanks son.
@Sassafrantz: What a beautiful day! The sun's shining, the birds are singing, the neighbor's dog is taking a huge crap on my lawn...
@ticknada: Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help