@glenyrd: I'm so glad we could finally reconnect after all these years because I'd really like your help on my virtual farm.
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@dshack8: 3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave
@bazecraze: I'm gonna create chaos in my neighborhood by putting giant bows on all the cars the night before Christmas.
@Fred_Delicious: [Elon Musk sees a homeless guy] "Oh no, this is terrible. I simply must use my vast wealth to address this problem" [2 weeks later] "I have invented sunglasses that make homeless people invisible so that rich people don't have to see them"
@UncleDuke1969: [job interview] Him: What’s your greatest strength? Me: I’m very independent. Him: … Me: … Him: … Me: Tell him, Mom. Mom: He is!