@glenyrd: I'm so glad we could finally reconnect after all these years because I'd really like your help on my virtual farm.
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@ojedge: [attempting Guinness Book of Records for most people mauled by a bear] ME: Thank you all for coming 37 OF MY FRIENDS: Why r we here again?
@behindyourback: If you're afraid of public speaking, just imagine everyone in the audience is on their phones not listening to you anyway.
@JediGigi: Him: How'd you get so cute? Me: I-I-my gosh, I really don't know. I'm not very good at biology.