@MikeDrucker: I'm so hungover that my thoughts sound like Sylvester Stallone.
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@Darchstar007: Wife: every time we argue, you think you're right. Me: yes, because if I thought you were right, I wouldn't be arguing...
@YourAnMoron: Judge "Why are you divorcing her?" Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*
@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.