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@PanicRestroom: I'm so hungry that I can eat a Centaur
@kolchak: Every Adele song is about lasagna.
@truegritrumble: ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle.
WIFE: Please don't.
ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*
@ericsshadow: If your girlfriend says she's going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...
You might be dating my wife.
@RobDenBleyker: The poorest man can be rich if he gets a bunch of money.
@GianDoh: The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.