@Jerrypleasure: [first day as an archaeologist]
ME: *digging*
COWORKER: *yelling* stop digging in our office, karen !! You're gonna get us all fired
@mrsmith196645: 911: What is your emergency.
M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry.
@iwearaonesie: *opens paper towels*
dog
me: It's not food
*opens mail*
dog
me: It's not food
*opens package of scissors*
dog
me: It's not f
@badAzz_mom: Sorry to the guy in the car having to witness me checking for boogers in his tinted windows.
@1par8head: Daughter text me from upstairs..come here and bring your glasses..that can only mean one thing...we are about to make fun of people on FB...
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