@_Justin_Stepien: I'm so much like a noodle when I shower. sit in hot water for 7-8 minutes and become soft, squishy, and delicious afterwards
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@secondofhername: You don't have to write 'Twitter addict' in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves.
@zdarsky: I want a SPIDERMAN GO app where I have to get pictures of spiderman for a furious j jonah jameson
@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.
@zachreinert03: I've never understood the whole 'burying people for fun at the beach'. The cops will just find the bodies when the tide comes