@AtticusFinch79: I'm so oblivious to someone flirting with me that if they told me to take my shirt off I'd assume it was because I spilled something on it
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@filmbizpro: Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
@NYC_Blonde: I hate when my boyfriend's snoring wakes me up and then I realize it was my snoring and I don't have a boyfriend and I'm going to die alone.
@b0dymassage: 'Joe whats that package ya got today?' "ITS MY BOOK ABOUT CLOCKS. I ORDERED IT LIKE 2 MONTHS AGO" 'Well its about time, right?' "RIGHT"
@NicestHippo: Emperor Sleepoleon, we urge you to change your name to appear less lazy to your people. Oui, I shall dial it back, BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY