@Mike_Hunt_05: I'm so old that I was the tv remote when I was a kid
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@Reverend_Scott: "SOMEONE IS VAPING" 911: Stay calm, were tracing it "HURRY" 911: THE VAPING IS COMIN FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE "OMG" 911: GET OUT GET OUT
@trojansauce: NIETZSCHE: god is dead! he remains dead! and we have killed him! ME AS NIETZSCHE'S LAWYER: your honour we're gonna need a recess
@scott_towel: When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn't have toilet paper with aloe.
@DanMentos: [first date that up until now is going extremely well] date: it’s nice to finally meet a normal guy me: my dog’s name is jeff