@lejessica: I'm so out of shape, I can't even run away from my insecurities.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Swishergirl24: My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets.
@animaldrumss: Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?
@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.