@lejessica: I'm so out of shape, I can't even run away from my insecurities.
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@ieatanddrink: Just heard that distinct "baby fell out of the crib and into a pizza that was on the floor" sound
@WheelTod: I'd been using my new hand-mirror for over 6 months before I realized it was actually a framed stock photo of a much less handsome man.
@TwinSurvivalist: The slow disappearance in forks from the silverware drawer solidifies my fears of an upcoming arms race with my children.
@TheBoydP: I was confused when my wife asked me what I spent $108 on at the liquor store. I answered "liquor?" All is not a trick question. Apparently