@lejessica: I'm so out of shape, I can't even run away from my insecurities.
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@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH
@tastefactory: [in front of fire] DATE: I'm still kinda cold *she looks at my jacket* ME: Oh! Yeah *I take off jacket & throw it in fire* That oughta do it
@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run
@Fred_Delicious: Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. If you look thru the left hand windows right now you'll see me doing the worm on the runway