@iamjeffsloan: I'm so progressive, I lock the car doors when white people walk by.
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@1Happytwit: Some bloke on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.
@aparnapkin: Hinder: an app that locates available singles nearby who will stall your life in some significant way
@Chumpstring: GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?
@juliussharpe: At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading.