@iamjeffsloan: I'm so progressive, I lock the car doors when white people walk by.
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@MasterOfMoppets: These coffee flavored rice cakes are delicious, but chewy. [eats another coaster]
@WilliamAder: "Damn you, Autocorrect!!!!" - Mark Zuckerberg, who had intended to announce that he was giving away 99% of his socks
@markhoppus: "The concept of romantic love is obsolete in the modern era" I declare loudly to no one in particular as I grab for another dinner roll.