@lovemydogduck: I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
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@Book_Krazy: [Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes
@Rollmaninoz: Me: Will my girlfriend be ok using Chanel 5 if she's never used Chanel 1-4 Salesgirl: *into walkie talkie* security he's back here again
@Dank_Pal: They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys
@TeejayRush: Marijuana is not a gateway drug... I have never been smoking weed and thought, "I know what this needs! Meth!..."