@DadandBuried: I'm so sick of everyone asking if I *really* hate my kids. They're just jokes, people. Annoying, inconvenient jokes who are ruining my life.
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@beefman138: People who scream on roller-coasters : Did you not expect it to go fast down the hill?
@WheelTod: "First gay marriage. What's next - people marrying dogs?!" *nervous glance at dog Dog: Frank, we've been over this. I like you as a friend
@TheRealNickKay: [Walks in on girlfriend on death bed] ME: [Crying] this can't be happening GRIM REAPER: Dude, I can explain. She totally came on to me