@Sassafrantz: I'm so single, I was at a bar last night and a cute guy offered to buy me a cat.
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@Nicoleroxxu: One more glass of wine and my "only a lesbian from the waist up" rule is about to go out the window.
@gingerfaced: What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.
@theshamingofjay: The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job
@SteveKoehler22: You can tell a lot about a person by his hot dog stand order I knew the guy was a Buddhist when he said "Make me one with everything"