@izrigrod: I'm so single my cat has a cat.
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@Steelers1972: A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
@ErrenMichaels: *logs into Facebook *looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends *comments 'is that your dad' on all of them *logs out of Facebook
@decentbirthday:  student: can i go to the bathroom teacher: *slams revolver on desk* i don't know, can you