@flamingo_poet: I'm so tired of having to think, "What would a normal person do here?"
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@causticbob: Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.
@robin_991: 6yo: I wish I was a bird so I could poop on peoples heads. 7yo: why do you need to be a bird? my 7yo is ready for twitter.
@daemonic3: [graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* "traffic, my bad"