@MartaEffing: I'm sorry I broke your finger, but seriously, what did you expect would happen when you tried to eat the last two fries off my plate?
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@torrami: My favorite thing about single people is how they champion being single till they like someone then they transform into a hypocritcalpotamus
@partlyfunny: My wife does this cute thing. She sets her alarm clock an hour before she has to get up and then hits snooze 27 times. It's so adorable.
@Phook75: I've spent the better part of my marriage battling to get these two strings inside my wife's shirt to actually stay on this hanger