@shkeeber: I'm sorry I burned down your house, but the Mythbusters told me not to try it at home and you should really lock your doors when you go out.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndrewChamings: ME: I wasn't invited to the party FRIEND: Yeah, people think you're melodramatic ME: [slaps friend with silk glove] Then I shall die alone
@WickedDarkEyes: If you haven't used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you're not me.
@Brianhopecomedy: Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.
@LnL245: I'm in awe of people who can pronounce camaraderie correctly the first, second or tenth time.