@BritXNic: I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.
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@itsdivbaby: when i hear fat people say that they've made mistakes, i always think to myself, "yeaa...at the grocery store."
@iwearaonesie: wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!
@BromanConsul: 1964:"Remember kids," a youth basketball coach says, "there's no "i" in team." "Not yet," whispers 5th grade Steve Jobs, "... not yet."
@GordoHelio: Job interview... H- "So how would you describe yourself?" Me- "Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance"..