@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.
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@theshantilly: Him: What are you doing? Me: Tweeting. Him: Gah. Such a colossal waste of time. Me: *stare* Him: *goes back to playing Candy Crush*
@DanMentos: *chad kroeger walks through metal detector at airport* TSA agent: I've never seen this low of a reading
@VoNwosu: When people complain that all Cristiano Ronaldo does is score goals, I don't understand. What do you want him to do? Fry yam?