@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.
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@JohnHilsen: Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.
@BuckyIsotope: *being pulled away by security from flamingo pen at the zoo with a handful of pink feathers and a black eye* HE STARTED IT
@RideSallyRide69: Today I was on the treadmill for over an hour. I was so pleased with my progress that tomorrow I might actually turn it on