@LousyBastard: I'm sorry I dropped your baby and doubly sorry I nudged it under the crib with my foot so you wouldn't notice.
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@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
@robfee: The Ghostbusters are women?! This totally compromises the integrity of a story about battling evil marshmallows while dressed like a janitor
@ilovepie84: After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide.
@GrantTanaka: 2016: Sanders wins presidency 2017: Marijuana legalized in all 50 states 20$x: lol what were we talking about