@ShaeAaron: "I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time." -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@underchilde: [Bank robber]: “Time to make a hasty escape.” *Passes a store window full of kittens* *Stands there for six hours*
@YosefHawel: Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first.
@briangaar: The premise of Batman is that, deep down, all billionaires just want to be first-year patrol cops
@Brampersandon_: [PetSmart] Why pay $30 for a bird when I can pay $10 & grow like 1000 of them? *throws bag of bird seed in cart* I'm such a smart shopper.