@ShaeAaron: "I'm sorry. I haven't had sex for a very long time." -- and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LoveNLunchmeat: Of all the millions and trillions of literary devices, hyperbole is my favorite.
@jonnysun: [trying to do standup] u kno whats funy– [someone yells 'society!'] nno– [entire audience starts laughig] wait [audience laughs louder] stop
@slimmy_shady: If she licks all the frosting off her face with a single 360 degree sweep of the tongue, she might be Scooby Doo.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *explains idea* Boss: That's the dumbest idea ever Me:*clears throat* *repeats exact same idea in a British accent* Boss: Brilliant!