@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I hosed off your toddler as he walked by my house but I can't afford to get sick right now.
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@BeingTwiter: What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common?? . In each scenario, there's a dumb guy who didn't take it out in time.
@ClichedOut: Her: You look great without glasses Me: I don't wear glasses Her: *putting them back on* I do
@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.