@NatetheEnigma: I'm sorry I jumped on you, from a distance you looked like a conclusion.
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@girl_a_whirl: I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction.
@jumpdashark: My friend called me from a private number last night so I just returned the favor by knocking on his door with a ski mask on.
@Schmoodles: I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat.
@ibid78: Do I have friends? Are we allowed to count the enemies of my enemies? Then yes, I have a bunch of friends.