@Dr_powpow: I'm sorry I poked your baby with your selfie stick but I didn't really know what to do with either of them.
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@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees
@beefman138: My Wife wears some very revealing shirts. Today's shirt says 'Nick's ATM code is 1234' on it.
@AndrewsNotFunny: Weird that humans evolved shins long before we'd need to find furniture in the dark
@Poutymcgee: <-- Spends a good 10 minutes removing the stuffed animals from my bed before we get down to business. But Rupert stays, he likes to watch.