@imdaintyaf: I'm sorry I punched you in the face when you said "I love you". Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister.
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@SaraMansford: *Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar.
@audipenny: Do you think the rattlesnake is ever embarrassed that he has a stupid baby toy at the end of his string body
@jake_lach: *Police bust through door* -QUICK FLUSH ALL THE SUGAR -WAIT, WHY!? -I DON'T KNOW, THEY DO IT IN THE MOVIES!