@THEDUTHCHESS: I'm sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dorsalstream: I've decided to donate my brain to science. [years later, my brain is used to prop open the Science door]
@3sunzzz: My personal trainer at the gym told me I need to start working on my upper body strength. I told him to just open the damn pickles and STFU.
@LoverOfComics94: In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.
@AndPlayDad: I don't know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy... In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times.