@LolaLuvsLollies: I'm sorry I said "sorry about your eyebrows" when you showed me your wedding photos
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Loan shark: If you're late my guys will ... Me: Tell my gf my phone password? LS: Break every bone in your body M: Oh. Yeah that's fine
@trevso_electric: I used to pretend that broccoli florets were treetops and I was a giant eating up the forest while my Dad pretended he had a manly son.
@amydillon: Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.