@LolaLuvsLollies: I'm sorry I said "sorry about your eyebrows" when you showed me your wedding photos
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@AngelaEhh: If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?
@AmishPornStar1: My weight loss plan is to skip breakfast and lunch... And then eat seven dinners.
@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.
@cepheusjackson: [SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.