@LolaLuvsLollies: I'm sorry I said "sorry about your eyebrows" when you showed me your wedding photos
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@poppiesandcake: If what we are doing here is art, then my Tweets could be classified as kindergarten finger painting.
@daemonic3: [bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish
@FrankCurtisB: When a lady leaves an article of clothing at my place, I do the gentlemanly thing and put it on and parade around the house looking pretty.
@Izianikapani: Pandas, skunks and zebras are the oldest species on Earth, dating back to long before colour was invented.