@jctwritesstuff: I'm sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn't have had a hairless hamster for a baby.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: *looks in the mirror* Can you get me something to match my cowboy boots? Me: What? 5-year-old: A horse.
@iamspacegirl: "And then the Bears mauled Goldilocks to death and ate her, reminding us that home invasion never has a happy ending."
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.