@mllebeckyrose: I'm sorry I slapped you but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
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@simoncholland: You can just start calling yourself an olympic hopeful. You don't have to fill out a form or anything.
@longwall26: "My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor." -- inventor of the frisbee
@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
@UnFitz: [speed dating] Me: Periods. Her: Huh? Me: Do they go inside the quotation mark or outside? Her: In the US or the UK? Me: Let's get married.