@Feenohmenal: I'm sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
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@El_nacho_Nigre: My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
@iAmDelFreaky: I just opened an Easy Bake Oven restaurant. Please call your order in, 17 hours prior to your arrival.
@ericsshadow: [talking to life insurance agent] Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money? No thanks.
@amazymay72x: You know what else is fun? Playing dead when your husband receives the credit card bill...