@Feenohmenal: I'm sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
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@JukeJointJesse: Just logged into Facebook instead of Twitter and I now feel like I shouted out the wrong name in bed.
@bridger_w: Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
@bridger_w: If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, "I thought this was FAST food." The place will never recover from that mega burn
@pumpkin_horse: *lays down on memory foam mattress* mattress: remember that time you pooped your pants in 3rd grade? me: I regret buying you