@AngelaEhh: I'm sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ieatanddrink: "I deleted that tweet because I've really grown as a writer in the past 7 minutes and it's just not up to my current standards"
@ericsshadow: [traffic stop] COP: where ya headed? ME: on my way home COP: *shining flashlight in my backseat* ME: look at me when I'm speaking to you