@AngelaEhh: I'm sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding.
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@_RealBlondeGirl: I hate it when candidates put signs on your lawn without even asking your permission. Who the hell is 'Foreclosure'?
@WheelTod: [Dark alley at midnight] *Knife-wielding punk approaches Me: “Don't make me do something I might regret...” *Punk sneers & raises knife *I phone up and propose to my married high-school girlfriend