@AngelaEhh: I'm sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding.
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@TheHyyyype: *young people decide to avoid hard drugs and lead healthier lifestyles* BUSINESS INSIDER HEADLINE: millenials are killing the meth industry
@mattZillaaaa: My friends are like "hey come camping with us this weekend" & I'm like "I can't, I have to get new friends"
@arielleBigBlue: Your sign says "NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE", so it seems highly unfair that you kicked me out for not wearing pants.
@MarfSalvador: [Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!