@KyleMcDowell86: Im sorry I yelled "GARY LIKED STAR WARS EPISODE ONE" when the pastor asked if anyone knew of a reason why you and Gary shouldn't be married
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@goldengateblond: PROPOSAL: Rebrand shootings as "late-term abortion." Watch the GOP scramble to stop them.
@truegritrumble: WIFE: Can you send these party invites out? ME: Sure *throws them out window* WIFE: Did you- ME: If they're meant to come, they'll come.
@FlyJ_: I went to the gym today. Just kidding, I walked down the block and yelled at the neighbor kids for screaming while I'm trying to nap.
@KeetPotato: [paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: "it's so beautiful" me: "can you believe they named this after a website?"