@30SecondJams: i'm sorry ms. jackson... i am
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@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
@jake_likes_naps: [accidentally calls teacher "mom"] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what
@girlwithatail: This woman's "I'm deleting my Facebook" post has 52 comments and she's replied to all of them. Not a strong start.